Part One: This is my chance.....

For along time I tend to be a creature of habit, doing the same things, the same way, and ultimately the same outcome tends to make itself known within the situation...

After a while you would think I would get tired of this.....

Well, not so much. I can't figure out for the life of me why things tend to happen the same way over and over again. And what lessons get learned while all this is going on? The constant unanswered question in my mind.

This re-accuring theme that I am speaking of is the constant in-ability of mine to keep a relationship. Now my history with the ladies is very colorful in terms of the things I have had to deal with. I mean you name it, its probably happened to me whether it be drama from me or from that other person. Either way it goes, it's not a good thing to say the least.

I have realized lately that for all the mess I talk and the things that I claim to be about, I realized that in so many ways that I am full of shit. I am just as scared as the next person, my emotions flux at times (but who's don't) and at the end of the day I'm left with the same scenario after everything goes down.....

I end up alone....

At times I wonder if this is the outcome that GOD has for me. I wonder if for every situation that I get into, will I improve or continue the same trend that has hunted me since I was 17 years old. I can't really figure out that answer and I guess only time will tell.

But right now, I feel like this is my chance to finally admit that I am in love with a woman who may not love me, but she knows how I feel and how I have felt for along time. I know that things between us haven't always been great and she could even hate me up to this point, but I think she is awsome. Beautiful, smart, educated, cultured, the whole nine and I can't seem to keep her around for nothing.....I wonder if she thinks about me....

Am I so caught up in the outcome of things going bad that I don't give the time to actually enjoy my relationships? Do I over think the simple things all the time? Now as I'm asking these questions I already know the answers, I'm only asking them for the irony.....lol.....(I crack myself up sometimes)

But as the days grow colder and we look to love to keep us warm, will I be left out in the cold forever? Time will tell, but I know she is out there somewhere waiting for me and I just want to make sure that I am ready for her whenever she decides to make herself known....

Ms. Right, If you are reading this, let me know who you are, what are you about, and where have you been all my life?

My story continues because I'm going to say how I feel regardless if anyone is listening......

peace